The Annamarie O. Velasco Incident (Or the Downside of Singlehood)

I was having a lazy Sunday morning when I received an SMS from an unknown number with the following content:

Name: Marie Velasco
Birthdate: Feb 15, 1988
Height: 5’7”
Complexion: Fair
Hair: Long & Straight
Other: Joined some provincial pageants for allowance

Course: BS Information Management (Computer & Accountancy)
School: DOST Scholar in University of St. La Salle – Bacolod
Parents: Anna & Mario Velasco (both deceased)

Picture: http://www.mariebacolod.tk

Gut feeling: it’s a hoax. The texter probably wants to slash money from me but I appreciate the creative part. One variation of sort is about an OFW who happens to be using a mobile in roaming, has zero load and badly needs somebody from the clan to help him(?). And of course, there are those offering loans for a minimal interest.

Out of boredom, I clicked on the link and the picture there is, well, decent enough to challenge the singlehood in me. The whole hullabaloo is enticing, the website and the effort to get a nice picture that fits all the details (scholar and beauty titlist, whoa!).

So I texted back with “What’s this?” She(?) replied with somewhat similar to the details mentioned in the link, that she badly needs to go to Manila and she’s willing to do any favor in return. I said “You look hot.” On which she texted back with “Cn u help po?” Since I was starting to enjoy the texting game, I asked “How?” which gave me a long answer “Marami naman pong ways like smartpadala po o cebuana lhuiller po. Ok po un kc medyo1 sakay lng po frm my boarding haus. Magpepresent lng po ako ng 1 valid id ko po.. Para makasiguro rn po kau.” I won’t be sharing my reply to that but for sure, you don’t wanna know. The conversation ended right there. I hope she(?) she finds her(?) lucky victim to help her(?) get by.

Love Month is up in just a few hours. I’m not sure if this is such a fun way to welcome February. I’ll just take Annamarie as someone who got away.

Philography File # 003: Gracenote

Accomplished last January 23, Saturday, right after their mall show (as part of UP Economics Society's Sisfire 7: Juan Vote! campaign) at SM City – North EDSA.

Gracenote is a promising pop punk band composed of Eunice Jorge (vocals), Chen Pangan (vocals/guitar), Alvin Ortiz (guitar) and Jon Pichay (drums). The drummer was sick during the mall show, prompting me to watch their gigs soon to get his autograph. Eunice’s brother Jazz joined them on guitar that afternoon (and if I’m not mistaken, most of their gigs) and generously signed my CD as well.

Gracenote, Noted

Due to this lingering demand that Gracenote, a budding band, is good and a must-see, I joined the kids to watch their mall show at SM City – North EDSA (yes, that far). Before that, I just visited a friend somewhere in Project 6 to make the effort more worthwhile.

So, MRT to North EDSA, side trip to my friend’s place then cab back to SM. I did not join the kids right away.

I visited this new thing in the area called Sky Garden. You see, MRT station is very much connected to Trinoma and people have to be diverted to visit SM City instead. This is the solution: a cool and refreshing hang-out place in the area that used to be an open parking space in front of the mall. The walkway alone is nice, complementing the restaurants in the vicinity. There’s also a concert venue (probably for 200-ish crowd) in the middle and it’s aptly called Sky Dome. It looks like a miniature version of Araneta Coliseum less the view (and smell) of Farmers Market. Toilets are clean and I saw some security guards from the EDSA overpass down to the al fresco strip.

Good sights require good sounds. Gracenote performing live (as part of UP Economics Society's Sisfire 7: Juan Vote! campaign) at the food court area of the mall was definitely the highlight of the Saturday metro trip. The band is five-man team top billed by its vocalist named Eunice Jorge (she had to act both as vocalist and drummer on their first song as their bandmate Jon Pichay was sick). Not a music critic here but I heard that they are the best band who can do Paramore covers. For instance, they did “Ignorance” from their three-song set. The only comment I can share is that I find the vocals versatile enough to crossover from punk pop to the musicality of, say, Sinosikat? or even Kyla. While writing this, I’m listening to their EP and now starting to get the fix.

More pics here.

Movie Digest # 068

ZOMBIELAND
Glorietta 4, Cinema 5, January 10, 4:30pm

The first thing I notice about this comedy is the title which is pretty much reminiscent of Jesse Eisenberg’s other film “Adventureland”. This time, as the title suggests, is all about zombies. And just like any other film about zombies, it’s a common story about being chased away and survival. Putting Mr. Eisenberg in the cast plus the great (and much focused on this movie) Woody Harrelson and my niece’s favorite (another promising actress) Abigail Breslin complete with a contemporary humor, the experience is not common after all. I wish the film to push further just like what “Shawn of the Dead” did but it is fine as it is. This is the first movie I’ve seen inside the cinema. Hopefully it’s a good indication of what’s in store for 2010.

Friends who might appreciate it: Bill Murray fans.

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Glorietta 4, Cinema 6, January 10, 7:50pm

This movie seals that 2010 is really a bright year for cineastes. If the film is used as gauge, Guy Ritchie must be having a ball with his separation with Madonna. He directs the film with his signature sequence and editing style that I couldn’t think to be doable for a period piece like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s “Sherlock Holmes”. Script is definitely not a sell-out (not to mention intelligent and witty enough) and the sequencing keeps the audience hooked from start to finish. Maybe I was expecting more of that suave British accent from Robert Downey Jr. but his delivery is graceful enough to save the day. I’m wondering how much talent fee he is getting at this point of his career. Jude Law is also good here and I can sense at least an Oscar nomination for a supporting role. For a very enjoyable ride and interesting set of characters, don’t miss this movie.

Friends who might appreciate it: The know-it-all group called “Daalps”.

PUNTOD
Robinsons Galleria, Cinema 7, January 17, 5:30pm

It’s the third Cesar Apolinario film that I watched and I still can’t figure out how he wants to be taken as director. “Banal” borders on popcorn film and news worthy material while “Estasyon” tries to be more documentary-like then accelerated to drama. “Puntod” sticks to the news worthy part and overwhelms with the emotional giving the audience a feel of melodrama that was shot on location. The film delves into the life of deaf/mute girl who grew up in the slums. Her dilemma was primarily to earn money for the bones of her dead mother. Of course, she has friends. She has a bitchy sister. And she’s somewhat connected to a bevy of characters from the neighborhood to help her get by. With occasionally unrealistic speaking lines and acting but there’s more to see in this movie. For instance, the concept of “keeping” the lead character’s mother is very memorable. I haven’t seen anything like that in the local shore. That one alone separates the film from your usual Pinoy melodrama.

Friends who might appreciate it: Probably Manny Villar supporters.

SAGRADA FAMILIA
SM Megamall, Cinema 6, January 17, 8:00pm

I understand the vision of director Joel Lamangan and scriptwriter Raquel Villavicencio here. They wanted to depict a picture of a family that’s gone awry, an antidote to a social structure that’s been a pedestal to Filipino culture. It tells a story of an allegedly ordinary family whose reversal of fortune took flight when the mother decided to become an OFW to sustain her family’s needs. What follows is a series of tormented events from paternal deprivation to incest, domestic violence and the like. I actually like the first act when the director chooses to include a dash of quiet scenes only to be ruined by the overly exaggerated sequences in the last part. Maybe there’s a lot to learn from Chito Roño’s “Dahas” (or Chito Roño in general). In addition, I find Gloria Diaz a miscast here and Lovie Poe, lacking (thanks to a very disturbed and complicated character).

Friends who might appreciate it: None. Feel free to avoid this film.

FIDEL
Robinsons Galleria, Cinema 7, January 17, 8:00pm

This film is being publicized through the papers and the net as a metaphor for opening a Pandora’s Box for a not so popular topic in Philippine cinema called male rape. I agree. Of course we’ve heard a lot of stories before, specifically those who are working in the Middle East. There are even jokes that if you’re a male and you’re Saudi-bound, you should at least sport a moustache and a long goon-like hair. I personally heard stories from friends before (not theirs though). Some were “executed” in the desert inside the taxi while others were as moderate as sexual harassment inside the office. “Fidel” tries to sum up all those untold stories but it ended up just telling a story. I wish it could explore more boundaries and iterate more questions. Also, it chooses to embark on an emotional route rather than psychological or cerebral. Nonetheless, I like the film’s dramatic tension. It’s sustained from start to finish and, for a first time director, this is commendable. I also appreciate the fact that even if it’s low-budgeted, evidenced by production design and the like, it remains steadfast in ambitiously telling the story.

Friends who might appreciate it: OFW’s.

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS
Glorietta 4, Cinema 5, January 22, 8:00pm

I hope people will watch it not primarily because it’s Heath Ledger’s swan song but because the expectations for this movie are met. In a nutshell, it’s a Faust-like tale with Doctor Parnassus as the main protagonist. His imaginarium, a world that has a fancy mirror as its portal, is the devise used to execute or test the pact with the devil. I can’t tell you the rest of the story as some of the twists and turns require a little discussion. What’s reassuring to know is that inside the imaginarium is a bunch of great CGI fireworks that I’ve never seen before. Acting-wise, I didn’t see the intensity of Joker from Mr. Ledger here but there are some nuances. The transformation to other actors (Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Collin Farrell) requires a consideration but it still works. Watch this movie and let me know your rebuttal.

Friends who might appreciate it: Those who wish to be purified.

Si God at ang Biik na si Bob Boy

N.O.A.H. (No Ordinary Aquatic Habitat)
Produksyon: Trumpets
Direktor, Libretto at Titk: Jaime Del Mundo
Musika: Rony Fortich
Mga Nagsiganap: Carlo Orosa, Sheila Francisco, Sam Concepcion, atbp.

ISTORYA

Most of us ay pamilyar naman sa kuwento ni Noah sa Bible. Isang simpleng Juan na binigyan ng task ni God para gumawa ng arko na magsasakay ng isang pair ng lahat ng hayop. Sa kabila ng pag-aalingalangan at pangungutya ay ginawa n’ya ito. Hindi alam ng taong-bayan na isa pala itong paghahanda sa isang paparating na pag-ulan at pagbaha, isang malawakang cleansing, isang genesis. Ganitong ganito rin ang binaybay ng musikal. Isinapanahon lang ang mga tauhan, damit at iba pa upang mas madaling ma-perceive.

MGA HAYOP!

May mga dulang pambata pero pwede sa matatanda o sa parehong bata at matanda. Ang “N.O.A.H” ay pambata na sadyang ginawa para sa mga bata. Ang set design, halimbawa, ay simple lang pero nang lumabas ang arko at nang bumuhos ang ulan, naagaw agad ang atensyon ng mga tsikiting. Isama pa rito ang parada ng mga “hayop” na dumaan sa harap mismo ng mga manonood (naalala kong bigla ang reaksyon ng audience dati nang biglang lumabas ang isang “elepante” sa musikal na “Rama Sita”).

Gusto ko lang i-single out ‘yung paghahati ng dula ayon sa 15-minute break nito. Sa una, inilahad na lahat mula sa pagpapakita ni God kay Noah hanggang sa pagbuo ng arko at sa pagbagsak ng ulan. Ang una kong naisip, ang bilis naman yata. Ano pa bang pwedeng i-stretch sa dula para umabot ng dalawang oras eh makakakita na lang naman ng lupa si Noah? Inumpisahan ang ikalawang bahagi na nagpupulong ang mga hayop at praning na nilalabanan ang pagkabagot. Hmm, bago ito, naisip ko. At hindi r’yan huminto. Nagulat ako sa sumunod na eksena: isang talent show ng mga hayop! Imagine, nagne-Nessun Dorma ‘yung giraffe at humahataw ang biik na si Bob Boy ka-jamming si, err, God! Riot.

Sa mga awit, walang masyadong tumatak na tipong uulit-ulitin ko hanggang ma-LSS ako pero memorable kapag kumakanta na si Sheila Francisco. Mahusay rin si Carlo Orosa bilang singer at timing sa mga linya. Hindi lang sobrang nangibabaw. Baka kailangan lang ng isang “anthem” para sa lead character n’ya. Puwede na ang God ni Sam Concepcion.

KONKLUSYON

Sa umpisa ay nagkaroon ako ng impression na isa lang itong malaking grade school presentation. Nasisimplehan ako. O baka naman dahil masyado na akong matanda para sa dulang ito. Sa plus side, madaling maintindihan ang message at hindi masamang mapaalalahanan tayo paminsan-minsan tungkol sa total obedience. At hindi ako magrereklamo kung hahamunin ako ni God minsan sa isang matinding showdown ng “Nobody...Nobody but You”.

Turkish Delight in Ortigas Area

On my way to Meralco Theater from Robinsons Galleria last weekend, I tumbled upon this little shawarma (doner kebab) restaurant along Sapphire Road. It was dinner time and the only option had then was Mc Donald’s. Since the place looked quiet and cozy and not so expensive, I gave it a try. The first thing I noticed was the very unusual interior for a shawarma place (in Metro Manila at least). Each table is equipped with a little bin, a hot sauce container, tissue paper and wet ones. Very, very neat. Pictures of tourist spots in Turkey are mounted on the wall while some gypsy music was being played. They serve different meats daily and, since it was a Saturday, I ordered for one chicken shawarma on wheat pita bread (the other option is your regular pita bread). For drinks, I asked for a glass of Turkish iced tea, clueless on how it tastes and how it will affect the rest of the night. Total bill’s at P175. Verdict: no doubt, it deserves a second visit. The shawarma on its own is good but the lemon sauce on it is heavenly. Pictures here.

The Abacus of an 8-Stop Binondo Food Trip

Joiners: 20-ish officemates and more. When: January 16, 2010. Time: 10:00am.

We met up at Binondo Church for one obvious reason: it’s easy to locate. Not everybody was on time though so the early birds headed to the first stop then just waited for the rest to come. Charmaine Muya and Jon Lim, Kath, Mark and Jaejay’s friends, served as our manang/manong guide (complete with that umbrella as flag). The only strategy we had was to group ourselves into four or five which worked especially when sharing food and the bills (for instance, the amount below is based on our share from a four or five-man team).

Game plan: 11 stops but we ended up with just eight (either close or no space for a big group). Out of it, I can’t single out any dish. I guess they are all equally good (I swear).

As for your reference, below is the map of our stops:


We were pretty much walking in the same vicinity so if you’re going to suggest this to friends, no physical preparation is needed (except of course for emptying your stomach). Tips: hmm, aside from grouping into four or five, bring a Chinese-speaking friend for smoother dealings and the like, preferably somebody who’s familiar with the area. Also, if you’re photo-documenting the experience, just be a little polite and ask first if it’s fine with the restaurant or store owner to take pictures.

Here’s the breakdown:

1. Tasty (#620 Ongpin St.): porkchop, fried and steamed dumplings – P43

2. Dong Bei Dumpling (Yuchengco St., formerly Nueva): veggie dumplings – P8

3. Tea Blends (in front of Shopper’s Mart in Ongpin St.): nai cha milk tea – P40

4. Chuankee Chinese Fastfood (Ongpin St.): kiampong, pork maki – P52

5. Masuki (#931 Benavidez St.): beef chicken wonton mami, siomai – P57

6. Suzhou Dimsum (Gandara St.): pan fried xiao long pao – P22.50

7. New Lido Restaurant (#593 T. Alonzo St.): pork asado – P36

8. Sincerity Café and Restaurant (#497 Yuchengco St., formerly Nueva): fried chicken – P30

Total bill: P288.50. But it was worth it. On personal note, the time we reached our sixth stop, we were already full. It just happened that the food was great and the walking helped a lot. More pictures here.

At around 3:30pm, we wrapped up and called it a day. On our (Team Jaejay) way home, we stopped by in front of the Post Office Building in Lawton, explored Liwasang Bonifacio and tried to cross the Quezon Bridge for a better view of the Pasig River. It was a perfect dessert. More pictures here.

Iba’t Ibang Ballad

Duets
Produksyon: Repertory Philippines
Direktor: Ana Abad Santos
Mandudula: Peter Quilter
Mga Nagsiganap: Joy Virata at Miguel Faustmann

ISTORYA

Hinati ang dula sa apat na maiikling dula. Ang una ay tungkol sa EB ng dalawang senior citizen na sinusubukang makibaka sa pag-ibig. Ikalawa ay isang pares ng bading at ang kanyang ever loyal na assistant na nag-propose na magsama na lang sila. Ikatlo ay isang hamon sa mag-asawang magdi-divorce na tapusin ang lahat sa pinaka-gentle na paraan. At ang panghuli ay tungkol sa magkapatid na kailangang harapin ang gayuma ng pag-ibig.

Walong karakter, dalawang aktor at isang mabilis na pagpapalit ng damit at set.

BLENDING

Kung meron mang example ng concept-driven na play, ito na siguro ‘yun. Kumawala s’ya sa pangkaraniwang materyal na maraming karakter at plantsado na ang mga galaw, characterization at entablado. Isa siguro itong magandang exercise para sa mga beteranong sina Joy Virata at Miguel Faustmann. Parang gusto nilang sabihin na kaya rin nila ang ganitong pagsubok: mabilisang pagpapalit ng damit, iba’t ibang accent at kumplikadong internalization sa magkakaibang karakter. At nagpagbigyan naman nila nang buong-buo ang challenge na ito. Angat para sa akin lahat ang kanilang pagsasabuhay ng isang matanda, ng isang bading, ng isang sensual, ng talunan, ng umiibig, ng sawa na sa pag-ibig at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi ko lang maiikaila na n’ung gabing (January 15, opening night) napanood ko ang dula ay tila masakit yata ang kanang paa ni Miguel Faustmann at kapansin-pansin ito sa kanyang paglalakad.

Pero hindi na rin naman masyadong bago ‘yung exhibitionism n’ung play. Nagawa na rin ‘to ng “The Mystery of Irma Vep”, isang comedy, ni Charles Ludlam. Dalawa rin ang aktor na naghahati sa mahigit na sampung karakter. Mas mabilis ito at kinakailangan ng husay sa timing para mai-deliver nang maayos. Ang ikinaiba ng “Duets” sa napanood kong version ng “Irma Vep” (Repertory Philippines din noon, mga ten years ago na) ay pati set ay nagpapalit ng bihis. Nilikha rin ng set designer nito, si Tuxqs Rutaquio, na ipakita sa audience kung paano magbihis ang mga aktor. Dito naging mas exciting ang experience ng panonood. Kitang kita ang mga gumaganap kung paano sila “magpalaki ng katawan”, maglagay ng wig at mag-ayos sa harap ng salamin.

Maliban sa pagiging show-off n’ung materyal, may iba pa naman itong ibubuga. Substantial ang mga linya at pwedeng gamiting input ng sinumang umiibig, takot umibig o napagod na sa kakaibig. Sa apat na kwentong ipinamalas, pinakanagustuhan ko ‘yung tungkol sa mga future divorcees. Nag-post s’ya ng tanong tungkol sa separation. Magagawa mo ba talagang maghiwalay nang matiwasay o parating galit o sama ng loob ang dulo nito? Nagustuhan ko rin ‘yung tungkol sa magkapatid na magkaiba ang pananaw sa pag-ibig. Ang isang hindi naniniwala sa pag-ibig ay ini-encourage ang kapatid na babaeng walang sawa sa kakaibig (pangatlong beses na itong mag-aasawa).

KONKLUSYON

Magandang mapanood ang dulang ito bilang preparation sa Valentine’s Day. Although mas maraming masayang mukha ang ipinakita, napasadahan naman nito ang maraming issue na kinakaharap ng isang mangingibig. Maganda rin itong mapanood hindi lang dahil sa content nito. Ang theatrics nina Joy Virata at Miguel Faustmann dito ay pagpapatunay lang ng maraming taon ng disiplina at dedikasyon sa local theater industry. Sa panonood ng “Duets”, wala akong nakita ng anumang pananawa mula sa kanila.

Aysee Dead Kambing

It was Suweldo Day and it was a Friday. We decided to revisit one of the default suggestions for a lunch-out-away-from-the-office-area called Aysee near Ultra (exact address and map here). For 11 peeps, we shared four (or five) servings each of their popular (and tried and tested) dishes papaitan and sisig plus a plate of bistek (which was my pick for health reasons, hehehe) and sizzling mushroom (Pipe’s). Bill: P120 each.

More pictures here.

Life is an iPhone # 029

Clockwise from top row:

1. All-Meat. Pizza, that is. From Chelsea and it was shared with another set of friends from the office (Topeng, Nina, Au, Edrik and Karl). In conclusion, first week of January for 2010 was well spent with friends;

2. Roast Platter. Including slices of my favorite century egg (though I have to avoid this in the next two weeks) and pork asado. Taken during the committee lunch out at Zong. What a way to end the week with a free lunch (is there really such a thing?);

3. Videoke Group # 01. With the Friday Night Frogs (with Jes, Kat, JB, Mat, Nikko, Eric, Keith and Louie plus Edrik) enjoying a familiar ditty or two at Centerstage in Jupiter St. I was about to watch two films then but I cancelled it. The below-zero Red Horse Beer was just an icing on the cake;

4. Videoke Group # 02. Still with the same group of Daalps, GT, DA and AN. Also my co-Plurkers and my future care group (o-ha!);

5. How Korean. This stall in Food Choices in Glorietta 4 generically called Korean Barbecue is becoming one of my favorites. For only P99, you already have a generous serving of rice, regular chicken barbecue (read: sweet as opposed to spicy Korean barbecue), veggies, soup and a small plastic cup of iced tea. Forget the reasonable price, it is really good;

6. Food Court, Overlooking. And what a way to finish my food court food! Facing a nice view of the nearby mall and a cozy, zen-like atmosphere, dinner has never been this relaxing;

Life is an iPhone # 028

Clockwise from top row:

1. Little Pianist. Right after the mini-talent showcase from Trumpets at the Shang one Sunday afternoon, this child prodigy grabbed a seat and played the piano. The music was heard all over the mall. It was a classical piece but I can’t remember now what the title is. Very relaxing and freeing, not to mention the talent being so overwhelming;

2. Cupcakes Group # 01. At Serendra, specifically just outside Cupcakes by Sonja. I had my favorite Red Velvet, thanks to balik-bayan Jeng (the one in the middle, with lunch buddies and friends Pipe and Hubes);

3. Cupcakes Group # 02. Same gathering, with Jamih, Dennis, Jeng, Bell, Pao, Redy, Jacq, Pipe and Hubes. Hope to do this again (probably with the same set of peeps and exact level of Christmas cheers);

4. Socs and the Fishes. In front of Tau Yuan, in time for the luscious Singaporean dinner. I think Allan took the same shot in preparation for his own “Life is an iPhone” series. By now, Mrs. Vistan is already in Dublin and Mr. Vistan, in Columbus, Ohio;

5. In the Company of Friends. My lunch buddies (less Pipe who was probably in the toilet that time). This is Christmas to me. Good food, good conversations, good company;

6. With Miss Rina. On our way to Chelsea last week, we bumped into a very dear ex-officemate. She was our HR Head when I joined the company. The memories of trekking and Theme Friday-ing and laughing way back then suddenly came in a flash. I kinda miss her sunny disposition and that all-smiling presence. Also in the picture: Edrik and Miss Rina’s two lovely daughters;

Life is an iPhone # 027

Clockwise from top row:

1. Vodka Group # 01. Extension of a drinking bout at The Old Spaghetti House, this was held at Bev’s place near Camp Crame. Part of Joaqs’ despedida and as usual, we partied. It’s not that we want to let him go. In the picture: Ralph, Joaqs, Bev and Nikko;

2. Vodka Group # 02. Still on the same event, this time with Jie, Mat, Leo, Kat and Louie;

3. Coconut Trees. On the way home;

4. Sariaya. Parish church in Sariaya, Quezon, taken from the bus window;

5. Our Church. Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary parish church during the Christmas season;

6. Sentro. A plate of garlicky adobo and a another one for a galunggong dish. With rice and with friends;

Killer Questions

Since Valentine’s Day’s up and coming really soon and I have no choice but to blindly face it, below are the questions that I will try my very best to avoid (or outwit at least):

1. May girlfriend ka na?

- Variation: Kuya Manny, sino nang girlfriend mo ngayon? It’s not as if I’m not into that field but the question is painful to hear for the lone reason that I don’t have one and it’s been a long while since I had one. She got married, by the way.

2. Naghahanap ka ba ng girlfriend?

- Wow! Do I look like (looking for) one? I don’t get it. Maybe there’s a problem with my total package. Surely, I’m no Dingdong Dantes. But I’m no Jesse Eisenberg either. Some killer questions that come into mind. "Atenista/Lasallista ka ba?" Or worse, "Doctor ka ba?" I don’t know with you people but I love me being me. What's with the labeling, anyway?

3. Eh bakit wala ka pang girlfriend?

- Now, that’s a clincher. For the record, that’s the most difficult to outwit. If the asker looks a bit library-conservative, I just reply with “Di naman kailangan ng girlfriend para magkaroon ng sex life”. The reaction on his/her face is just a bonus and as Zombieland puts it more subtly, “Appreciate little things”.

4. May asawa ka na ba?

- It’s getting more and more personal and I’m not sure if I’m enjoying it. Wait, do you see any ring on my finger? I am not referring to my middle finger (hehehe). A friend once saved the day and mentioned something like “that’s unethical to ask”.

5. Kelan ka mag-aasawa?

- This one’s expected already after Question # 4 failed. To settle stuffs, I made a statement that no, I’m not getting married for the rest of my life. I will stay single and that’s my mindset as of press time. Tomorrow’s another day so beware. And who the hell do you care?

6. Ayaw mo bang magkaanak?

- Which is normally followed by “Paano ka pagtanda mo?” Since it’s a personal question, I would answer it in the most personal way I know. Here’s my belief: kids are no assurance of eternity. Not to mention that it’s an evil perception. My rebuttal would always go like this: “Eh kung magkakaanak ka nga pero drug addict naman eh di patay ka agad bago ka mag-60”. But don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I love to see little Manny’s that I can share “Up” or “Fantastic Mr. Fox” with. The thing is we all have to wait for that and you asking me that would not do any help.

Disclaimer: Of course, I’m not that bitchy with the outwitting part. Those are good questions, actually. Especially if we’re friends.