Killer Questions

Since Valentine’s Day’s up and coming really soon and I have no choice but to blindly face it, below are the questions that I will try my very best to avoid (or outwit at least):

1. May girlfriend ka na?

- Variation: Kuya Manny, sino nang girlfriend mo ngayon? It’s not as if I’m not into that field but the question is painful to hear for the lone reason that I don’t have one and it’s been a long while since I had one. She got married, by the way.

2. Naghahanap ka ba ng girlfriend?

- Wow! Do I look like (looking for) one? I don’t get it. Maybe there’s a problem with my total package. Surely, I’m no Dingdong Dantes. But I’m no Jesse Eisenberg either. Some killer questions that come into mind. "Atenista/Lasallista ka ba?" Or worse, "Doctor ka ba?" I don’t know with you people but I love me being me. What's with the labeling, anyway?

3. Eh bakit wala ka pang girlfriend?

- Now, that’s a clincher. For the record, that’s the most difficult to outwit. If the asker looks a bit library-conservative, I just reply with “Di naman kailangan ng girlfriend para magkaroon ng sex life”. The reaction on his/her face is just a bonus and as Zombieland puts it more subtly, “Appreciate little things”.

4. May asawa ka na ba?

- It’s getting more and more personal and I’m not sure if I’m enjoying it. Wait, do you see any ring on my finger? I am not referring to my middle finger (hehehe). A friend once saved the day and mentioned something like “that’s unethical to ask”.

5. Kelan ka mag-aasawa?

- This one’s expected already after Question # 4 failed. To settle stuffs, I made a statement that no, I’m not getting married for the rest of my life. I will stay single and that’s my mindset as of press time. Tomorrow’s another day so beware. And who the hell do you care?

6. Ayaw mo bang magkaanak?

- Which is normally followed by “Paano ka pagtanda mo?” Since it’s a personal question, I would answer it in the most personal way I know. Here’s my belief: kids are no assurance of eternity. Not to mention that it’s an evil perception. My rebuttal would always go like this: “Eh kung magkakaanak ka nga pero drug addict naman eh di patay ka agad bago ka mag-60”. But don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I love to see little Manny’s that I can share “Up” or “Fantastic Mr. Fox” with. The thing is we all have to wait for that and you asking me that would not do any help.

Disclaimer: Of course, I’m not that bitchy with the outwitting part. Those are good questions, actually. Especially if we’re friends.